Understanding Depression

There is a word when spoken that not alot of people understand it and why it is so dangerous. DEPRESSION. A lot of people have had horrible things happen to them in their lives. How you recover from these will determine your state of mind for the rest of your life. My mother passed away when I was 20. My grandparents when I was even younger. My father passed 5 years ago. I didn't understand how I felt at times and those around me like co-workers and friends didn't understand either because they haven't went through what I have. I noticed that the first thing I did was stay to myself. The second thing was that I realized that I had no one left to give me advice that I seldom followed anyway. Then I examined my life each time and felt as though I let my parents down. I began to see the cup half empty, Murphy's law ensued, now let the mind games begin. I began not to care what others thought or said to me. Nothing seemed important anymore, the downward spiral began and I felt alone, I couldn't breathe. What is wrong with me? I don't feel like I have a cold. Who cares! Life stinks.

Here I sit on the anniversary of my fathers passing and I finally can understand what depression is. There is a medical explanation. They say that the chemicals in your brain are unbalanced in varying amounts and they are responsible for your mental state. Your chemical messages are delivered incorrectly therefore messing up the communication line. All I know is that I was unable to feel. I didn't care about anything anymore. One thing that I did care about was one solid connection to something stronger than anything I have ever seen in existence, God and faith. Faith, and yes I have it. But what is it in? It is in the fact that I going to survive this era in my life. I have felt the presence of him all my life. I've talked him, asked him questions and received my answers. Why wouldn't I return to this being for help again? Well, because my emotional state of mind wouldn't let me. I had to understand that just as seasons change, so does life. Life is full of hills and pits, turns and bends and I must hold on if I ever plan on making it through. If I cannot except change, change is going to happen anyway. I will then be left sorrowfully behind. I also noticed that when I was happy, I felt great! When things are going well, everyone wants to be around and I don't look forward to going to bed. When I feel bad, some can sense it and want no part of it. I noticed that I am the one people have come to when their down and have problems. I have been able to help each and everyone of them. Now when I needed to talk, couldn't find anyone but that Supreme being. He's always been there until I get happy again, I forget about him. Coincidence? No human nature. I changed that one part of my life and said to myself, "Regardless of what happens from here on out, I will stay positive and happy"! Why would I say such a thing? Faith. I believe that regardless of the bad things that happen there will be very good things. I believe I will get through it. It is my faith in myself to have the power to move on. I have learned to empty the negative feelings, and not dwell on things that I cannot change. I don't have all of the answers, but I know how I feel now and how I must pass along how I beat depression. So on this 5 year anniversary, I will let a lot of things go that I shouldn't have carried anyway.